wheredoesshegofromhere

More on trusting God

2009-06-12T19:35:00.000+10:00

I am reading Henri Nouwen’s book “The Return of the Prodigal Son”. It has been the source of much contemplation over the past week.

Today I return to the question ‘How can I trust God?’

I can not make myself feel loved. I can not forgive myself. I can not welcome myself in. I can not invite myself to the feast. I can not even bring myself home.

Being the beloved is a gift. I can desire it, hope for it, wait for it and pray for it. But I can not create it. It must be given to me.

I am lost. I must be found and brought home by the shepherd that goes out to me.

"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?" (Luke 15 : 4)

Trusting in God's love

2009-06-10T18:08:00.004+10:00

Why do I find it so hard to trust in God’s love for me?

I remember even at the moment of my conversion I was afraid - afraid that God would let go of me. On many, many occasions since then, God has proven himself to be faithful. He has shown that his grasp on me is strong - that even when I reject him, he stays by my side.
"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand." John 10:27-28.

But still I doubt...

What if I finally make it home to find the Father not eagerly awaiting my return?
What if instead of welcoming me in he says 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.' (Matthew 25: 41-43)

Author Henri Nouwen suggests that surrendering to the Father's love requires a leap of faith because we have very little experience in unconditional love and don't know the healing power of this kind of love.

I have been blessed by the most wonderful loving family and some amazing friends. I know I am well loved. But is this human love conditional or more importantly do I believe it is conditional.

What about God?
God knows everything about me. Nothing is hidden from him.
Psalm 139: 1-4 “ O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.”

God is holy. He abhors sin. So how can he see beyond the pretence and look at the evil in my heart yet still love me.

Intellectually I know that the answer to this question is found at the foot of the cross.

"I do believe. Help me to overcome my unbelief” (Mark 9:24)

Scum of the earth

2009-06-09T18:53:00.000+10:00

1 Corinthians 4: 10 - 13
“We are fools for Christ, but you are so wise in Christ! We are weak, but you are strong! You are honored, we are dishonored! To this very hour we go hungry and thirsty, we are in rags, we are brutally treated, we are homeless. We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; when we are slandered, we answer kindly. Up to this moment we have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world.”

Am I willing to be like Paul – to be a considered a fool for Christ? Am I prepared to be on life’s scrap-heap? Am I ready to put aside the things of this world, the things I have built up and relied on, the things that tell me I’m worthwhile, that I am somebody?

Who is Jill without the world props of work and position and money and deeds?

I am a child of the Father – that is who I am and that is everything. One day I will hear the Lord say 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.’

Why then do I act like it isn’t enough?
Why do I need to safeguard against failure? Why do I want to have a backup plan?
Do I not trust that God’s love is strong enough to carry me through? Do I not believe that his grace is greater than my sinfulness?

What kind of God do I trust in?

The Prodigal Daughter

2009-06-08T14:16:00.003+10:00

The parable of the prodigal son has always held a special meaning for me. It was the passage through which God spoke into my heart at my conversion, and it is rich with symbolism as I walk the long and arduous road which is the Christian life.

The pain of being far away in a distant land, feeling wretched and desolate is real. As is the desperate longing to be home. I yearn to be embraced by the father, to be held secure and to hear him say "You are my beloved daughter, on you my favour rests".

And yet, it is I who have left the safety of home, I who continue to leave it. I am the rebellious one who has turned away.

The father waits with outstretched arms, looking for any sign of me returning. The blessings he has for me are mine for the taking.

If what I ache for is there waiting for me, why don't I run home with all my might? Why am I still stranded out here all alone?

2009-06-03T18:03:00.002+10:00

Luke 8: 42 - 48 As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.
"Who touched me?" Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said, "Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you."
But Jesus said, "Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me."
Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace."

Longing to be called daughter
Longing to be at peace

My response to Psalm 73

2009-02-04T18:10:00.003+11:00

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PSALM 23 - Complete

2008-11-06T17:59:00.002+11:00

The LORD's my shepherd
God Almighty, the Creator, He who holds the universe in His hand, the King of Kings, the Lion of Judah, the Lord of armies, the great I AM, is my protector, my guard, my carer, my leader.

I shall not be in want
He knows what I need and what is good for me, and he provides all this. He allows me to flourish. In Him I am satisfied.

He leads me beside quiet waters
He brings me rest, refreshment, serenity. He stills my anxieties.

He restores my soul
He offers renewal. I draw strength from His presence, from His nearness. I am made whole in Him.

He guides me in paths of righteousness
He has a path mapped out for me. He walks beside me and shows me the way. His plan is to prosper me, to give me hope and a future.

For his name's sake
The way in which he cares for me shows His true nature - his justice and his mercy. In my walk with Him, I am but a mere reflection. All glory and honour is to Him.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
There are times of great distress, when I feel isolated and abandoned. It's then that the Black Dog bares his teeth and Satan prowls around. My fear overtakes me and you seem so far away.

I will fear no evil
Even when I can’t feel your presence, I must trust that you are there. You have kept your promises to your chosen people since the beginning of time, and you have kept your promises to me, time and again. You meter out the strength I need moment to moment. Because you are on my side, I know that the darkness will not be victorious. You have defeated death. You have overcome the world.

For you are with me
Wherever I go, you are with me. When I ride the crest of the highest wave - you are there. When I sink to the depths - you do not desert me. When the night is at its darkest you are closer to me than ever.

Your rod and staff they comfort me
You are my support, my rescuer, my guide and my protector. You bring warm, tender, gentle reassurance. You gather me in your arms and carry me close to your heart.

You prepare a table before me, in the presence of my enemies
You invite me to your banquet table where I revel in your presence. You lift me up – up above my adversaries, above my foes. You chain the Black Dog and you silence the Accuser.

You anoint my head with oil
You show me that I am your precious one, your honoured guest.

My cup overflows
You pour out your love. You pour out your grace. Your pour out your mercy. Your blessings overflow and will never run dry. I experience you intimately and I enjoy your lavish provision. I will never exhaust your love for me. I will never demand more than you can give.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life
Your covenant promises - your love, your mercy and your grace are always with me. Even when in foolishness I try to run from you, you pursue me. You hold me tight and let nothing snatch me from your grasp.

And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever
I am yours today, tomorrow and forever. I have the gift of your Spirit within me and I await the day when you will wipe every tear from my eyes. I will hear you say “I am making everything new” and I will praise you in rapture evermore.

The Lord is my Shepherd Part II

2008-11-03T20:24:00.003+11:00

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of the death
There are times of great darkness, when I feel trapped and alone. It's then that the Black Dog bares his teeth, my fear overtakes me and a loving God seems so far away.

I will fear no evil
Despite it all, I know you are faithful. You have kept your promises to your people since the beginning of time, and you have kept your promises to me. You give me the strength to face each moment and I know that you will catch me when I fall. Even when I don't feel your presence, I put my trust in you - for you are supremely powerful and when you are on my side, I have nothing to fear.

For you are with me
Whereever I go, you are with me. I know that the darker the shadow, the closer you are. If I ride the crest of the highest wave - You are there. If I sink to the depths - You are there. Even when, in my foolishness I thought I could run away from you, you have proved over again that you are always faithful and nothing can snatch me out of your hand.

Your rod and staff they comfort me
You are my support, my rescuer, my guide and my protector. You bring me warm, tender, gentle reassurance. You gather me in your arms and carry me close to your heart.

You prepare a table before me, in the presence of my enemies
You invite me to your banquet table, where I am your honored guest. You lift me up - above the hostile people and hostile circumstances all around me. The Accuser is silenced. The Black Dog is chained. We share an intimate time enjoying your lavish provision.

The Lord's my shepherd

2008-10-25T16:06:00.002+11:00

The LORD's my shepherd
God Almighty, the Creator, He who holds the universe in His hand, the King of Kings, the Lion of Judah, the Lord of armies, the great I AM, is my protector, my guard, my carer, my leader.

I shall not be in want
He knows what I need and what is good for me. He allows me to flourish. In Him I am satisfied.

He leads me beside quiet waters
He brings me rest, refreshment, serenity. He stills my anxieties.

He restores my soul
He brings renewal. I draw strength from His presence, from His nearness. I am made whole in Him.

He guides me in paths of righteousness
He has a path mapped out for me. He walks beside me and shows me the way.

For his name's sake
The way he cares for me shows his true nature - his justice and his mercy. It brings glory and honour to Him.

What would it take for me to trust God?

2008-09-26T17:04:00.004+10:00

Yeah I trust in You
I remember times you lead me
This time is bigger now
And I'm afraid you'll let me down
But how can I be certain
Will you prove yourself again

Cause I´m about to let go
And live what I believe
I can´t do a thing now
But trust that You'll catch me
When I let Go (When let go)

What is this doubt in me
convincing me to fear the unknown
When I´m alone
You show Your plan is better than my own
And I know I won't make it
If I do this all alone

Cause I´m about to let go
And live what I believe
I can´t do a thing now
But trust that You'll catch me
When I let go

Barlow Girl 'Let Go'

Learning to trust in The Good Shepherd

2008-09-26T16:51:00.002+10:00

Psalm 23: 1-3 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Isaiah 40:11 He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

Luke 12:32 “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.”

John 10: 14, 27-28 "I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me…. My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.”

Revelations 7: 17 For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.

Psalm 51

2008-09-21T19:32:00.002+10:00

You do not delight in sacrifice, or would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
Psalm 51: 16-17

I feel raw, broken open.
I long for some reassurance that God does not despise me.
Intellectually, I know that reassurance is found at the foot of the cross.
Emotionally though, I am just so in need of restoration.
How long O Lord, will I lie broken before you?

Loneliness

2008-09-01T18:59:00.002+10:00

"Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. Lonely people often experience a subjective sense of inner emptiness or hollowness, with feelings of separation or isolation from the world." Wikipedia

Is loneliness an emotional state to be avoided or is loneliness a call to live completely for God?

The gospel of Jesus Christ

2008-08-31T19:07:00.002+10:00

2 Corinthians 5:21
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

31st August 2003 Conversion

2008-08-31T13:13:00.003+10:00

Exactly 5 years ago today, after hearing Jaime preach a sermon on the Prodigal Son, I felt God calling me to be His daughter.

These last 5 years have been filled with such extremes (joy; despair; intimacy; loneliness; insecurity; love) that I barely know how to interpret my Christian life. But I have to ask myself, have I shed the old to embrace the new?

To quote Nouwen "Do I keep clutching my old ways of life with one hand, while with the other I beg people to help me change?"

To those who have grown accustom to my begging for help, I thank you for your love and support. I know that you are a wonderful gift from the Father.

More on 'The Prodigal Son'

2008-08-30T14:57:00.005+10:00

'One of the greatest challenges of the spiritual life is to receive God's forgiveness. There is something in us humans that keeps us clinging to our sins and prevents us from letting God erase out past and offer us a completely new beginning. Sometimes it even seems as though I want to prove to God that my darkness is too great to overcome. While God wants to restore me to the fully dignity of sonship, I keep insisting that I will settle for being a hired servant. But do I truly want to be restored to the full responsibility of the son? Do I truly want to be so totally forgiven that a completely new way of living becomes possible? Do I trust myself and such a radical reclamation? Do I want to break away from by deep-rooted rebellion against God and surrender myself so absolutely to God's love that a new person can emerge? Receiving forgiveness requires a total willingness to let God be God and do all the healing, restoring and renewing.'

Henri Nouwen "The Return of the Progical Son"

The Return of the Prodigal Son

2008-08-29T18:00:00.003+10:00

I am currently reading Henri Nouwen's 'The Return of the Prodigal Son'.

Through Nouwen's poignant treatment of the famous parable, I have been forced to confront what it means to let go of the old and let myself be held by a loving and forgiving God.

In my Father's arms...

"It is the place of light, the place of truth, the place of love. It is the place where I so much want to be, but am so fearful of being. It is the place where I will receive all that I desire, all that I ever hoped for, all that I will ever need, but it is also the place where I have to let go of all that I most want to hold on to. It is the place that confonts me with the fact that truly accepting love, forgiveness, and healing is often much harder than giving it. It is the place beyond earning, deserving, and rewarding. It is the place of surrender and complete trust"

God is holding on

2008-08-28T19:08:00.003+10:00

Isaiah 49:16 See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.

John 10: 27-28 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.

Liminal

2008-08-28T18:05:00.004+10:00

Liminality (from the Latin word līmen, meaning "a threshold) is a psychological, neurological, or metaphysical subjective, conscious state of being on the "threshold" of or between two different existential planes. The liminal state is characterized by ambiguity, openness, and indeterminacy. One's sense of indentity dissolves to some extent, bringing about disorientation. Liminality is a period of transition where normal limits to thought, self-understanding, and behavior are relaxed - a situation which can lead to new perspectives.

Oh, to be loved and to belong...

2008-08-26T18:23:00.003+10:00

"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards and will the make the Valley of Achor a door of hope...I will show my love to the one I called 'Not my loved one'. I will say to those called 'Not my people' 'You are my people' and they will say 'You are my God'."

Hosea 2: 14 -15, 23

Home enough to know I'm lost

2008-07-14T19:10:00.002+10:00

The ice is thin enough for walkin'
The rope is worn enough to climb
My throat is dry enough for talkin'
The world is crumblin' but I know why
The world is crumblin' but I know why

The storm is wild enough for sailing
The bridge is weak enough to cross
This body frail enough for fighting
I'm home enough to know I'm lost
Home enough to know I'm lost

It's just enough to be strong
In the broken places, in the broken places
It's just enough to be strong
Should the world rely on faith tonight

The land unfit enough for planting
Barren enough to conceive
Poor enough to gain the treasure
Enough a cynic to believe
Enough a cynic to believe

Confused enough to know direction
The sun eclipsed enough to shine
Be still enough to finally tremble
And see enough to know I'm blind
And see enough to know I'm blind

Should the world rely on faith tonight

Jars of Clay 'Faith Enough'

What you find at the bottom of the pit.

2008-04-11T22:10:00.002+10:00

It can be quite surprising what you find in the depths of depression - there hidden under the physical pain, masked by the overwhelming sense of loss... If you lie very still you just might find the most precious thing in the whole world.
To quote Max Lucado, "You'll never know that Jesus is all you need, until Jesus is all you've got".

2008-03-29T21:36:00.000+11:00

Where do i go from here????????

2008-02-23T23:02:00.003+11:00

Well it's been 2 months since my last post and much has happened: Christmas; Kids' Mission; Summer Holiday; beginning of a new year at work.

As is the case with poorly controlled bipolar disorder, nothing has been easy. I have damaged friendships; not looked after myself as I should; felt distant from God; and I have given up the children's ministry which sustained me for so long.

I have been jealous when I should have been rejoicing, and selfish when I should have been loving.

I am lonely even amongst the love of family and friends, and I am broken even despite the healing power of our great God.

Where do I go from here ???

Loneliness and Love

2007-12-10T17:47:00.000+11:00

Little do men perceive what solitude is, and how far it extendeth. For a crowd is not company, and faces are but a gallery of pictures, and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love.
- Francis Bacon

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. - 1 John 4: 7-9

O Lord, please send someone else

2007-11-12T21:35:00.001+11:00

I think I really like Moses. Here was a guy who wasn't afraid to admit his weaknesses. And look for a way out, when he was feeling overwhelmed.
God chose Moses, not because he was brave, or clever, or strong.
And God did not empower Moses to become brave, or clever, or strong.
Rather God promised to be with him.
God's presence was enough.
Moses just had to have faith in the power of God to overcome all.

I am not brave, or clever, or strong.
And God has not chosen me because I am brave, or clever, or strong,
God has not promised to make me brave, or clever, or strong,
But He has promised to be with me always, to never leave me.
And I must trust in that promise and rely on His strength and power

Inspired by Job

2007-11-09T21:57:00.000+11:00

It's so hard in the dark times to still praise God, but that is what we are called to do.

Blessed Be Your Name
by Matt Redman
- - -
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

And so I will wait.......

2007-11-05T17:36:00.000+11:00

Psalm 27:14

Wait for the LORD;

be strong and take heart;

and wait for the LORD.

Thank You God

2007-11-04T14:12:00.000+11:00

In our Preschool - Kindy Sunday School class we've been learning about prayer, under the simple headings of: 'You're great God'; 'I'm sorry God'; 'Thank you God'; and 'Please God'.
Today we were concentrating on 'Thank You God'.
I had prepared a powerpoint presentation of all the things I had in my life to be thankful for, as examples to show the kids.
What a humbling reminder of how wonderfully God has blessed me (especially when at the end, 4 year old Matthew gave me a nice long list of all the things I'd forgotten to mention).
Praise God for His mercies and for His bountiful blessings.

Hurt

2007-11-04T00:19:00.001+11:00

This is not really a fully formed post, so please forgive the stream of consciousness.....

I have always been very sensitive and easily upset. I am particularly easily hurt by people I love or respect.

This has been a lot worse over the past couple of years - with the whole bipolar thing.

There are those who say that no one can hurt your feelings, rather it is you choose to feel hurt.

That may be true.

But in my experience, I seem to be so easily cut down by the words or actions of others. It can take me days to recover from an off-the-cuff comment (one in which the person may not have even been aware that my feelings were hurt).

Which brings the dilemma. My doctor would say, it's best to pretend it's all OK and recover in isolation from that individual. But is that the biblical approach?

Inner turmoil

2007-10-31T20:33:00.001+11:00

A tornado is a violently rotating column of air, in contact with the ground, and often (but not always) visible as a funnel cloud.

Occasionally, a single storm produces multiple tornadoes.

Tornadoes can strike in an instant and can cause intense, irreversable damage.

Sometimes bipolar strikes like a tornado.

A violently rotating column of thoughts, in contact with nothing, and not visible to anyone but the sufferer.

Occasionally a single episode will be followed by multiple tornadoes.

Episodes can strike in an instant and can result in intense, intractable pain.

INSOMNIA

2007-10-27T23:14:00.001+10:00

"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep."

Stopped by Woods on a Snowy Evening

by Robert Frost

A bad night lies ahead

And a new day beyond that--

A simple sequence, but hard

To remember in the right order.

Psalm, The New Day

by Mark Jarman

What is my birthright?

2007-10-24T20:12:00.000+10:00

In a conversation with my doctor yesterday, he was talking about 'my birthright' - in the context that it is my birthright to expect wellness, healing, happiness.

But of course, this is not my birthright.

Since the fall I have lost my birthright and am under the same curse as Eve "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." (Genesis 3:16).

My birthright as a result of the fall is pain, suffering and death.

I have never been so struck by the difference between the secular world and Christian world and our approach to our 'entitlements'.

Pain and Hope

2007-10-22T18:27:00.000+10:00

I have often drawn comfort in verses which refer to God bringing hope in the morning.

Psalm 30 For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Psalm 130 My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.

Lamentations 3 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

There is a hope. A hope to cling to. The hope of newness and rejoicing the the morning.

And I give thanks that God gives me the strength to await the morning, to make it through the night.

However, I can't downplay how long and how dark the night can be.

And maybe I shouldn't.

If I downplay the suffering, I minimise how much God is glorified.

In keeping with my preceding post, if I am going to honor God by the day to day struggle of my illness, I'm going to stop feeling guilty about the fact that the nights are dark and long and hard and lonely.

And I will still hope for the morning.

Thorn in the side

2007-10-18T21:26:00.000+10:00

I have been struggling once again, with the 'realities' of praying for healing. Some months ago I made the decision to stop praying for healing and instead to pray for God’s grace in submitting to His will (whatever that may be). But that’s proving to be hard. It's very hard.

I have been conflicted - should I return to praying for restoration and pray harder for God to heal me or should I just keep praying for the grace to go on day by day.

With thanks to Jason R. I have been looking at 2 passages: the persistent widow (Luke 18:1-8) and Paul's thorn (2 Corinthians 12).

I find it so weird that Paul only prayed 3 times for his thorn to be removed. Maybe being an apostle he received a special word from God, or maybe he was just able to 'get on with it'.

Anyway, with many tears, I will aim to follow Paul's lead and will continue to pray for the strength to get through each day and will pray that in some way through my brokenness, God's power will be shown.

My Big Black Dog

2007-10-13T20:55:00.000+10:00

My Black Dog of Depression is howling tonight - he seems huge, he snarles and bares his teeth. He sits back on his haunches, as if ready to pounch and devour me.
But my Black Dog doesn't know that I am armed.
I am prepared.
My weapon will reduce him to a newborn pup - helpless and defenceless.

My weapon is the full armor of God.

Psalm 42: 5-6 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Saviour and my God.

2 Corinthians 4: 8 -9, 16-18. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

The girl in the photo

2007-10-13T15:14:00.000+10:00

"The girl in the photo, it's me. I remember her but she seems like someone I loved, but lost, and now grieve for. I want to write in the second or third person, to isolate myself from the 'Black Dog', to give the Dog its own entity, to show depression and me as two separates, living in parallel, occupying the same single, inseparable unity, greedily possessing and devouring each other..... I stopped being me a long time ago, and I grieve for the things the Black Dog has taken from me and buried like a bone in the dirt."

This is from a book called ' Journeys with the Black Dog'. The book comprises a variety of contributions from sufferers of Bipolar Disorder, working with the Black Dog Research Institute at UNSW. I had the opportunity to partake in a 12 month study with the Institute. They do great work there in raising awareness of Bipolar Disorder and in and researching effective treatment for this illness.

People Going Back to Church

2007-10-06T21:58:00.000+10:00

?Coincidence?

2007-10-06T21:32:00.000+10:00

'Coincidence = a striking occurrence of two or more events at one time apparently by mere chance'.
I prefer to believie in a sovereign God who ordains and organises every moment for His glory.

Case in point:
Yesterday I wasn't feeling great - had a doctor's appointment and decided to take rest of day off. After my appointment, went for coffee in Leichhardt. Ordered my Latte and grabbed a book to browse through.

At a nearby table I overheard 2 guys talking about the topic of suffering. Suffering in the Christian context. I tried not to eavesdrop, but it was really hard, given my interest in the subject matter.

Anyway it turns out that one of the guys was Byron Smith, whose blog "Nothing New Under the Sun" I regularly read. Byron went to college with one of my close friends. So I decided to sms this friend to tell him the weirdness of sitting in the coffee shop listening to this conversation.
My friend immediately sent an sms to Byron, drawing his attention to my presence.

So I pretty much had to introduce myself. We had a brief chat and I left feeling very much better and very encouraged.

For those of you who are interested, I think the main message is that whilst there are many hypotheses regarding why suffering exists, the answer to suffering is the good news of Jesus Christ.

Touched by Luke 8

2007-10-03T18:19:00.000+10:00

Before the whole kitten thing, I started to write a post on Luke 8 - the Dead Girl and the Sick Woman. I have been working on this passage for bible study tonight. It's the first time I have led biblestudy, and in our group we prepare our own questions.

Most of the difficulty I'm having with the passage, is that I keep crying and have to stop.

There are a number of things in this passage that make me weep:

First the sick woman

The state of the woman - whatever her condition she had clearly exhausted all medical efforts to gain healing, spending all she had on doctors (Mark 5:26)
She was 'unclean'. This means she would have been shunned by her community. For if anyone touched her, they too would have been made unclean.
Because of her 'unclean' status, she would not have been able to worship in the Synagogue. Even her relationship with God was somehow cut off.
Then, with trembling hands, she reaches out to touch Jesus' garments - a tiny act of faith. She believes and is instantly healed.
Here's the most beautiful part of the story for me.... Jesus calls her daughter. Apparently this tender address is used nowhere else in Jesus' recorded words. Oh what an amazing thing for Jesus to address her as daughter.
And of course, rather than Jesus being made unclean by her, she is made clean by his touch.
She is physically healed and spiritually freed. Alleluia!!!

Then Jairus and his daughter

I can understand that allowing the daughter to die, provided Jesus with the opportunity to resurrect her. And it may have shown Jairus of the need for a patient, trusting faith, but the pain Jairus and his family must have gone through in those moments, is indescribable.

What did I learn

That God is sovereign and Jesus has power over all things including sickness and death
That I am not in the driver's seat (no matter how much I wish that were so).
Ultimately trusting God means accepting his timing for events (and his sovereign outcomes).
My faith must be vibrant and active in my day to day life but also patient. I must wait on the Lord, my Father, who knows best.

Australian Mist Kitten

2007-10-01T10:16:00.000+10:00

I am currently thinking about getting a kitten. This little 2 week old will be up for adoption when he's 12 weeks old. He is an Australian Mist - apparently a good cat for indoors.

The other picture is his dad (Lord Purino Curtis) - gives you a better idea of what he'll look like when he grows up.

A dead girl and a sick woman

2007-09-29T05:37:00.000+10:00

LUKE 8 : 40 - 56

Now when Jesus returned, a crowd welcomed him, for they were all expecting him. Then a man named Jairus, a ruler of the synagogue, came and fell at Jesus' feet, pleading with him to come to his house because his only daughter, a girl of about twelve, was dying.
As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped. "Who touched me?" Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said, "Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you."
But Jesus said, "Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me."
Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace."
While Jesus was still speaking, someone came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue ruler. "Your daughter is dead," he said. "Don't bother the teacher any more."
Hearing this, Jesus said to Jairus, "Don't be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed."
hen he arrived at the house of Jairus, he did not let anyone go in with him except Peter, John and James, and the child's father and mother. Meanwhile, all the people were wailing and mourning for her. "Stop wailing," Jesus said. "She is not dead but asleep."
They laughed at him, knowing that she was dead. But he took her by the hand and said, "My child, get up!" Her spirit returned, and at once she stood up. Then Jesus told them to give her something to eat. Her parents were astonished, but he ordered them not to tell anyone what had happened.

Hell - a fate worse than death

2007-09-22T00:15:00.000+10:00

I have been really interested in reading about Hell - particularly why we should believe in its existence. Three reasons have been suggested:
1. Jesus' direct references to hell - His passionate and graphic representations of hell should leave us with no doubt as to its reality
2. Hell's own importance - the nature of the place and the way our view of it reveals our understanding of God (I'm not sure I really get these points fully, but apparently we can be so humanity-focussed as to think that everything exists for the good of mankind - clearly not so when many will be condemned to hell; alternatively we can have a man-centred view of sin where we are only concerned with those 'wrongs' which affect others, and do not give due respect to the offence we cause our holy God. )
3. Love demands it - this seems so contradictory, doesn't it? How can love demand eternal torment? However, if the love we profess as believers has no place for hell, it’s not a robust love, but rather just superficial sentimentality. Jesus is our Saviour. – which necessarily implies being the saviour of something or from something. He has saved us from hell.
I think Mark is a great verse for talking about hell (I am particularly impacted my the responsibility to avoid causing the little ones who believe in Jesus to sin - a big Sunday School application I think).

Ref: Mark 9:42-50”Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung round his neck and he were thrown into the sea. And if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than with two hands to go to hell, to the unquenchable fire. And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life lame than with two feet to be thrown into hell. And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into hell, where their worm does not die and the fire is not quenched. For everyone will be salted with fire. Salt is good, but if the salt has lost its saltiness, how will you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another.”

I'm sure many of you have thoughts/comments about this. Please post comments

It's 1.15am and I should be sleeping

2007-09-21T01:11:00.000+10:00

In silence, thoughts have taken flight
Like constellations filling night.
Conceptions born in mind ignite
A sleepless plight, a sleepless plight.
Such restlessness abandons sleep
By deeming it a pleasure cheap
As, deep inside, ideas creep
Within mind’s keep, within mind’s keep.
Lo! Death has reared himself a throne
By making weary every bone
And leaving not, unturned, a stone
To sleep postpone, to sleep postpone.
What’s that I see upon the lawn
As hours slip past the telltale yawn?
First light appears and thoughts are gone
With break of dawn, with break of dawn.

EXAM STRESS

2007-09-20T22:48:00.000+10:00

I have been doing a little bit of study so that I am better equipped to teach Sunday School, and also for my own edification.

It's amazing though how as soon as exams are involved, things completely change. One would think I needed to pass this exam so as to continue to earn a living, to continue to attend church, or worse still, to continue to be a Christian. I really am a ridiculous person.

Anyway, God was very good to me and I was able to answer three of my prepared essay questions: the nature and work of the Holy Spirit; the doctrine of Justification by Faith; and the 'one, holy, catholic and apostolic church'.

Maybe I won't hit the 3 year olds with J.B.F on Sunday - but on the other hand, it's never to early to learn how entirely dependent we are on God's mercy and grace.

Loneliness

2007-09-16T23:01:00.000+10:00

A bit of a recurring theme for me at the moment - Loneliness.

Sunday night is always the worst. After church (with so much on my mind), feeling desperately alone and facing the week ahead.

I need help. I am confused. I don't know how to live my life, manage my job, my health, my loneliness.

There is really only one thing to do. To " draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and may find grace to help in time of need. " Heb 4:16

Important to maintain a sense of humour, I think.

2007-09-15T21:14:00.001+10:00

Getting what we deserve?

2007-09-13T18:09:00.000+10:00

Several of my close friends have recently had babies. This has been really difficult for me.

Like most girls, I grew up expecting to marry and have a family. I came close to marriage once, but it wasn't to be. Without a husband, I feel that it must be some punishment from God. Am I so unloveable and undesirable?

As I am now unable to have children due to my illness, often I feel that God has dealt with me unfairly.

I think that I do not deserve to be lonely or childless, but in reality, I have no such entitlement. At no place in Scripture, does God promise that we will all be blessed with marriage and children.

He does however promise that as Christians, we belong to Him and belong to each other.

So whilst I do not have a husband, I am not alone. I have brothers and sisters in Christ. And whilst I have not borne children, I can love, care for, and minister to the children of my fellow Christians.

And I must praise God for that, and make the most of these opportunities (even if I am praising Him through my tears)

THE BEST BOOK BUY OF ALL TIME!!!!

2007-09-11T20:36:00.001+10:00

I have been reading Knox's Justification By Faith. This must be the best book buy of all time (apart from Scripture of course). It cost me a grand total of $1.50 from Moore Books.

There is so much to take from this little booklet, but I have been particularly mulling over the section on works.

It will be no surprise to readers of this blog to hear that works have no place whatsoever, in justification.
In his letter to the Galations, Paul said that by attempting to observe the law as a way to gain merit the Galations were: severed from Christ; removed from God; fallen away from grace; disobedient to the truth; Christ would profit them nothing; and that they were not following the true Gospel. Harsh words indeed!

I know this. But I do not live it. Why do I keep returning to reliance on my own skills and abilities in an attempt to satisfy God?

I am so incredibly frustrated with myself.

Knowing I am unworthy, knowing that I have nothing to offer, what response can I make?

2007-09-06T22:47:00.000+10:00

Psalm 116: 12 -13

How can I repay the LORD for all his goodness to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the LORD.

Birthday

2007-09-04T18:23:00.000+10:00

This week I celebrated my 4th anniversary as a Christian. As I re-listen to the sermon through which I was converted, and re-read the subsequent letter I sent to my friend Jaime, who preached that day, there is much to contemplate.

It is near impossible to separate my spiritual journey from my illness. My diagnosis of Bipolar Affective Disorder shattered my concept of self and my place in the world, and dramatically altered my experience of God.

In my letter to Jaime, I wrote "I used to think that one had to earn salvation and that God tallied up our sins and other good deeds to decide whether we 'got in' or not. This ridiculous notion meant that I could never win God's love because my sinfulness always overpowered any good... The whole idea of grace is new to me, you see."

It's ironic, the works based mentality that kept me from relationship with God for so long, is still the thing struggle with.

I "work" hard at church and go to doctrine lectures to memorise "Simul justus et peccator". One may well ask has anything changed in four years?

Ultimately I must ask the question, can God accept a broken, subnormal woman, whose only thoughts are evil all the time, to be his child?

The dark side of Facebook - check this out

2007-08-25T17:28:00.001+10:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvepYYNjfBk

Crying

2007-08-24T19:51:00.000+10:00

"Thus I set free the tears which before I repressed, that they might flow at will, spreading them out as a pillow beneath my heart. And it rested on them, ..."

Augustine Confessions Book 9

Comic Genius

2007-08-23T22:41:00.000+10:00

I have just come home from Moore DBS Doctrine 2 lecture and have found this comic gem.
A must see!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNWeWY7xCVk

2007-08-22T22:49:00.000+10:00

This most beautiful passage describes a woman overcome with her own sinfulness and with love for Jesus, in tears at His feet. In an exquisite display of belief and repentance, she shows true faith - and she is set free.

At times I feel overcome with the gravity of my sin, my total unworthiness. But with this comes a great gift. For I am forgiven much and can tell of God's awesome grace and mercy.

Luke 7: 36 - 50

Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.
When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner."
Jesus answered him, "Simon, I have something to tell you." "Tell me, teacher," he said.
"Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?"
Simon replied, "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled." "You have judged correctly," Jesus said.
Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."
Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven."
The other guests began to say among themselves, "Who is this who even forgives sins?"
Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."

Facebook

2007-08-20T22:10:00.000+10:00

Rejoicing in all circumstances

2007-08-17T19:26:00.000+10:00

I have always found that command to "rejoice in all circumstances" odd.

I have never really understood how we can be thankful to God when things are really bad.

Rejoicing in all circumstances is probably the opposite of self-pity. And self-pity is such an ungodly and unattractive quality, isn't it?

Blessed Be His Name is my favourite song. "...blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering, Though there's pain in the offering, Blessed be Your name".

But am I really thankful, truely joyful, in times of great pain? No, I don't think I am. It is counter-intuiative. I lapse into self-pity. Wanting to know the reason why. Unless I can understand the reason for my pain, it seems to be in vain.

A woman in childbirth certainly isn't enjoying the experience, the pain of the moment, but she may be rejoicing that God has blessed her with this great miracle of new life.

I know that God is sovereign in all things. I know that he loves me. I know that he has called me to be His daughter. I know my salvation is assured. I know that he will glorify me.

I know that he is changing me to become more like Christ. How does he do this? Through the experiences, circumstances, emotions, relationships in my life. If my pain is making me more like Christ then I can rejoice. I can rejoice in all circumstances - good, bad, boring, challenging, mundane, painful, because I know that my sovereign God is using them to mould me into the woman He intends me to be. A Christ-like woman.

So let me praise God for all the things in my life. How wonderful, how gracious, how awesome is our God!

Romans 8: 28- 30

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

Meme - Tagged by Phil

2007-08-15T20:50:00.000+10:00

I’ve been tagged by Phil (http://casethepromisedland.blogspot.com) to post “that verse or story of scripture which is important to me, which you find yourself re-visiting time after time”.

So hard to choose. The passage by which I was converted - The Prodigal Son Luke 15 will always hold a special place in my heart (I have talked at length about this passage on this blog under "Welcome Home - a bible passage to knock your socks off" 14 April 2007)

However, the passage to which I return most frequently is John 10. I am vulnerable and easily led astray, but I belong to Jesus. God the Father has given me to Him and nothing can snatch me out of his hand. He will not let go of me. I am His.

John 10: 11 - 18, 27- 30
11"I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 12The hired hand is not the shepherd who owns the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. 13The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep.
14"I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— 15just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep. 16I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd. 17The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life—only to take it up again. 18No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father."
27My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. 29My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. 30I and the Father are one."

I now tag Craig T.

What happens to us when we die?

2007-08-14T09:17:00.000+10:00

What happens to us when we die? As Christians we believe in the sure promise of the resurrection of the body and life everlasting. However there is some debate about what happens to a believer’s existence between her death and resurrection after the Final Judgement. This temporary period is known as the intermediate state.

There is a paucity of information in Scripture on the intermediate state. Some argue that this is due to the belief of the early church that the Second Coming was so imminent that it would be almost irrelevant to reflect upon the state between death and Final Judgement.

Salvation is ultimately the resurrection of a unified body and soul. So as to avoid the idea of a disembodied existence, some argue that when a believer dies she passes out of the whole time order, until her next conscious moment at the Final Judgement. Her resurrected body is created by God out of nothing, with God bringing forth a new life.

Other theologians propose the idea of soul sleep. According to this theory, a believer ‘sleeps’, in the protective care of God, unconscious until resurrection. Scriptural passages including Acts 13:36-37, 1Corinthians 15:5 and 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 which refer to death as sleep are used in support of this view. Whilst these theories overcome disassociation of a body and a spirit, a review of Scripture provides evidence for cognisance in the intermediate state. For example, in the appearance of Moses and Elijah (Luke 9:30 ff); the words of Jesus when questioned on marriage and the resurrection (Luke 20: 35-38); and the account of the stoning of Stephen (Acts 7:55-56).

Alternative views of the intermediate state, incorporating conscious awareness have therefore emerged. The Roman Catholic Church holds to the doctrine of Purgatory. Purgatory is said to be a period of temporal punishment for sins after death and before heaven. The suffering is thought to cleanse and prepare the believer to be in the presence of Christ. Scriptural passages used in support of this doctrine include: 2 Maccabees 12: 42-46 purporting both punishment and forgiveness beyond the grave; Isaiah 4:4 and Malachi 3:2ff describing refining or cleansing; Matthew 12: 32 leaving open the possibility that sins are forgiven not only in this world but in world to come; 1 Cor 3: 15 supporting transient purification and punishment; and the parables of Matt 5: 26 and Matthew 18:34 where the prisoners, not released until the last penny is paid, are paralleled with the souls of those enduring time-limited punishment of Purgatory.

Purgatory is rejected by evangelical Christians based upon the weakness of the biblical basis for this doctrine (2 Maccabees is not part of the inspired canon of Scripture and the other Scriptural texts are used out of context or misinterpreted) . Furthermore, the doctrine of Purgatory deprives God of his freedom and majesty as Judge and denies the sufficiency of the cross. Purification from our sins was accomplished by Jesus Christ on the cross and no further cleansing is required (Hebrews 10:14; Romans 8:1; Romans 8:38-39).

The best evidence as to the nature of the intermediate state is to be found in the following Scriptural passages. Firstly, in the parable of Lazarus and the rich man (Luke 16: 22 ff), set before the Final Judgement, Lazarus is carried to Abraham’s side and comforted, whilst the rich man is suffering in hell. Secondly, in the moments before his death, Jesus tells the repentant sinner on the cross, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise." (Luke 23:43). In Peter’s Pentecost sermon he refers to Psalm 16:10, to assure believers that they will not be abandoned to the grave (Acts 2:27). On several occasions, Paul refers to dying as being preferable to life because it means being with the Lord. 2 Corinthians 5 has been interpreted by Calvin as meaning that after death, the condition of the soul changes, commencing the process of becoming the eternal building made by God, which will be completed at the final resurrection. Finally, Revelations depicts the martyred saints gathered around the throne awaiting the Final Judgement, crying “How long, Sovereign Lord?” (Revelations 6: 9-11).

From Scripture we can conclude that the believer does not cease to exist after death, but rather is delivered from the power of Hell. The intermediate state is not yet the gloriously resurrected life, but it is a fellowship with Christ in some incomplete, provisional form. The central hope of the Scriptures is not the mere continued existence of the soul, but the resurrection of the united body and soul. Therefore, speculation on the intermediate state should never detract from the certainty we have in the hope of the new creation.

Finding Encouragement

2007-08-09T17:59:00.001+10:00

Some of Broughton Knox's words have given me great encouragement. He says..
"Faith in God is the truest form of worship... The Christian concept of God is that of a loving heavenly Father. This concept may be expressed in hymns and psalms of praise to God’s goodness; but it is more suitably expressed in action than in words and that action that corresponds to the Christian concept of God as a gracious Redeemer and Father, is utter faith and reliance on God’s fatherly goodness and saving power.
God is glorified when men call upon Him in the day of trouble; when in the face of adversity they put their confidence and trust in Him, expecting His promises to be fulfilled to them according to His word.
Psalm 50 clearly teaches that the worship of trust is the highest worship that can be offered by men. "

Psalm 50: 14-15 Sacrifice thank offerings to God, fulfill your vows to the Most High,
and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.

So as men and women in times of adversity, we have an amazing opportunity to worship our God by calling upon Him and living each day in faith that His promises will be fulfilled.

Rowan Atkinson - Amazing Jesus

2007-08-06T09:22:00.000+10:00

I must admit, I did find this to be extremely amusing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTzXJMU1sLc

Restraint

2007-08-03T15:32:00.000+10:00

A friend of mine who has a chronic illness, commented recently that she thought because of her illness God was restraining her in so many areas of her life.

Have you ever felt that ?

I sure have. If only God would...... .then I could........

If only God would heal this illness, then I could serve His kingdom better. That was one of my most frequent laments, and still is.

But who am I to say that serving without this burden would be better than serving with it. It certainly makes me aware of my need for God's mercy and grace every day and maybe that's more important than being on another church committee or being involved in another ministry.

Painting Pictures of Egypt

2007-07-30T18:25:00.000+10:00

A great sermon by Rhys Old last night, included a reference to one of my favourite songs by Sarah Groves.

I particularly like the last line ..... if the things we "want" come too quickly, is there a risk we will not fully appreciate them or not realise God's faithfulness to us day by day?

Painting Pictures of Egypt
I don’t want to leave here I don’t want to stay
It feels like pinching to me either way
And the places I long for the most Are the places where I’ve been
They are calling out to me Like a long lost friend
It’s not about losing faith It’s not about trust
It’s all about comfortable When you move so much
And the place I was wasn’t perfect But I had found a way to live And it wasn’t milk or honey
But then neither is this

I've been painting pictures of Egypt,I've been leaving out what it lacks
The future feels so hard,And I wanna go back!
But the places that used to fit me,Cannot hold the things I've learned
Those roads were closed off to me While my back was turned!

The past is so tangible I know it by heart Familiar things are never easy to discard
I was dying for some freedom But now I hesitate to go
I am caught between the Promise And the things I know

I've been painting pictures of Egypt,I've been leaving out what it lacks
The future feels so hard,And I wanna go back!
But the places that used to fit me,Cannot hold the things I've learned
Those roads were closed off to me While my back was turned!

If it comes too quick I may not appreciate it Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
And if it comes too quick I may not recognize it Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?

A Prayer for Today

2007-07-26T14:14:00.000+10:00

Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice, and let me sing always, only, for my King.
Take my lips, and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect, and use every power as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.

Words by Frances R. Havergal, 1874

Preaching to the Converted

2007-07-24T18:38:00.000+10:00

Sometimes the person I most need to tell the gospel to is myself. To remind myself what God has done in the past - in the history of the world and in my own life, to reflect on the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross and the freedom that brings, and to look forward with hope to the time when all will be made right.
No matter how I feel right now, I will praise God again.

Psalms 42 and 43
As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"
These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.
By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life.
I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?"
My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?"
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Vindicate me, O God, and plead my cause against an ungodly nation; rescue me from deceitful and wicked men.
You are God my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?
Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell.
Then will I go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the harp, O God, my God.
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Jacob wrestles with God

2007-07-16T17:56:00.000+10:00

In last night's sermon at St James it was suggested that Jacob had to learn to abandon his own resources and learn to trust in God, and that God 'maimed' Jacob so that he would be forced to rely more on God.
Does God strike us down so we have to rely on him?
Is that perhaps a reason why our prayers are not so easily answered?
Is that perhaps a reason why we suffer?

2007-07-09T20:38:00.000+10:00

Japan is such an amazing country - so many contradictions. Tradition and technology blur.
In my travels I saw Shinto shrines and Buddist temples too many to count. I was surprised though to also see a tribute to Christian martyrs - 26 men executed in by crucifixion in 1597 in Nagasaki for their belief in Jesus. Two hundred and fifty years later, when Christian missionaries returned to Japan, they found a community of Japanese Christians that had survived underground. Another testimony to the power of God.

Rain, rain, blessed rain

2007-06-25T22:04:00.001+10:00

The power of the tongue

2007-06-25T21:50:00.000+10:00

Ephesians 4:29 'Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.'

I have been challenged to see that communication is a gift from God. My words can be used to encourage others or build another person up or can be used to hurt, cut down or destroy another. With God's grace I hope to tame my harsh tongue, my sarcasm and my language.

Focusing on the grace of God

2007-06-22T17:38:00.000+10:00

It seems that one of the features of my illness is the tendancy to turn in on myself. Certainly selfishness is one aspect of that, but so is an intent focus on my own sinfulness. I am in such pain about not submitting fully to God nor serving Him. The pain is physical and acute. I want Him to say "Jill, you are a good and faithful servant" and the thought of disappointing Him just makes me weep.

This inward focus is manifested when I read the scriptures. I focus my attention on what the Word says about me (my sins) rather than what it says about God (his character).

Thanks to Phil B and Jason R for helping me to identify this issue - two wise, Godly men whom I am very blessed to have as friends.

Here is a classic example of a passage which does discuss the sins of God's people, but is really about the incredible, abundant grace of God.

Malachi 3: 6- 17 Robbing God

"I the LORD do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. Ever since the time of your forefathers you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you," says the LORD Almighty.
"But you ask, 'How are we to return?'
"Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me.
"But you ask, 'How do we rob you?' "In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse—the whole nation of you—because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit," says the LORD Almighty. "Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land," says the LORD Almighty.
"You have said harsh things against me," says the LORD. "Yet you ask, 'What have we said against you?'
"You have said, 'It is futile to serve God. What did we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the LORD Almighty? But now we call the arrogant blessed. Certainly the evildoers prosper, and even those who challenge God escape.' "
Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name.
"They will be mine," says the LORD Almighty, "in the day when I make up my treasured possession. I will spare them, just as in compassion a man spares his son who serves him. And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve God and those who do not.

So, a challenge for me..... Focus on God. Fix my eyes on Jesus.

Maybe God can get into a sealed crate after all (see previous post)

2007-06-20T12:47:00.000+10:00

Psalm 139
O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day,for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Trapped

2007-06-13T23:53:00.000+10:00

Despair is a cage.

No, not a cage but a crate.

A sealed crate.

No light. No air.

No hope of escape.

I have no memory of sunshine or fresh breezes.

There is no room for God in my crate.

No room for even the hope that things will get better.

I am trapped. I am suffocating.

The Upside to the Downside

2007-06-12T21:26:00.001+10:00

Lately I have been thinking about the blessings which come from having a depressive illness. Three main spiritual blessings spring to mind:
1. Can those who have never experienced grief and despair, really know what happiness is? Do they long for the final coming of the kingdom with the same desperation and passion.
2. Can those 'happy shiny' Christians who have not dwelt in the depths of despair and may not felt the burden of their own sinfulness, fully appreciate the power of the cross and resurrection;
3. Can those who have praised God in good times, be aware of the depth of his mercy and grace in sustaining us in the dark times, when we doubt his very existence?

I would never wish ill-health on anyone. But I wonder, given the choice, would I now choose this path for myself. Probably not. In the depths of despair, when it seems God is absent, it is hard to trust that there is anything to be gained from the pain. But once the waters have subsided and dry land appears, I do not pray for healing. I believe God has much more to teach me and may reveal more of himself to me through my illness.

Jesus is the anchor for our soul

2007-06-08T21:43:00.000+10:00

Hebrews 6:19-20 We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek.

Praise be to God for a faithful Christian offering this verse as a comfort to me at a time of need.

I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief.

2007-06-08T16:57:00.000+10:00

A father's plea
His precious child writhes in pain.
Thrown to the ground,
Into water and into flame.
Oh take pity,
Help us teacher if you can.

Disappointment
How long shall I stay with you?
Do you not know
Everything is possible.
If you believe,
Bring the child here to me.

I do believe,
Help me with my disbelief.
Be patient God,
With my wavering and my doubts.
By your grace Lord,
May I trust you and obey.

Unformed thoughts about submission

2007-06-07T23:06:00.000+10:00

So this whole business of submitting to God - my thinking so far is that I must believe God is faithful, must trust that his plans are to prosper me and not to harm me, must permit him to guide me and must yield to him in every moment of every day.

As I said in an earlier post, I have felt convicted not to pray for healing but to pray that I would submit my whole self to God that I may be used to bring him glory. My illness forms part of my whole self and in order to submit to God, there are aspects of my depression and hypomania I must actively strive to control. By God's grace I must avoid the sins of self-indulgence, the sins of excess, the sins of self-pity and the sins of laziness and instead turn to God's word for guidance and rebuke .

It's easy to say "Take me Father Use me Father I am yours", but what about when it's uncomfortable, when it takes effort, when it's hard, when it makes me cry, when I just can't do it anymore. What then???
Then I must go to bed and wake up the next morning and say "Take me Father Use me Father I am yours"

There is however one aspect of Bipolar Disorder that I'm not sure about. I don't know whether I should be submitting this to God. For want of a better term it's the "dark night of the soul". A state I have found myself in which I can only describe as the panicked desperation of knowing the absence of anything good. No presence of God. No promises of renewed grace and mercy in the morning. I find it hard to believe that the thoughts, visions and plans which come in this state are from God. They are certainly a sign of an unwell mind, but are they also a sign of some spiritual warfare?

It's getting late so tonight I just pray...... Dear Father, Because of your love for me do not allow me to be consumed, Please renew your mercies tomorrow to allow me to say "Take me Father Use me Father, I am yours".

One of the saddest verses in the bible

2007-06-04T22:54:00.000+10:00

Cold day in forest (Grief for my late friend Ivan) by Tomáš Pačes

Genesis 6: 5- 7 The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. The LORD was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain. So the LORD said, "I will wipe mankind, whom I have created, from the face of the earth—men and animals, and creatures that move along the ground, and birds of the air—for I am grieved that I have made them."

Oh how we must cause pain to our Father when the thoughts of our heart are evil all the time. Lord God, help me to live as you would have me live. I long for you to delight in me as your daughter, not grieve that you have made me.

The posting of this cartoon is in no way a comment on the Parish Council of St James Croydon

2007-06-03T22:26:00.000+10:00

You are not your own

2007-06-02T21:13:00.000+10:00

A week ago during a time of group prayer, I prayed that God would give me the courage and grace to submit my illness to Him - to lay my doubts, worries, hopes and dreams before him, trusting that He will use them for his own purposes.

Now I find I have to unpack the idea of submission more, in order to live it out day by day.
Submission seems almost counter-intuitive - our culture values independence and individual skill levels so highly, that submission is often seen to be a sign of weakness. However the Bible's view of submission is in stark contrast with this. The Bible tells us that we are not strong enough to stand on our own. We need God to guide us. Biblical submission occurs when we allow God to be our guide.

Three verses appear to be particularly pertinent to my struggles....

Ephesians 5:1-2 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

1 Corinthians 6: 19 - 20 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

When we allow God to be our guide, we trust that He is sovereign and we know that he will guide us safely home.

I would like to talk more about this in later posts and would certainly appreciate any comments or advice.

Suffering as an essential part of the tapestry of the universe

2007-06-01T21:19:00.000+10:00

I have read so many excellent posts on suffering recently - so many helpful insights. I am also reading Suffering and the Sovereignty of God (Piper and Taylor, 2006) and would like to share a short passage which is helping me to understand why suffering is in the world.

"I believe the entire universe exists to display the greatness of the glory of the grace of God....The glory of God shines most brightly, most fully, most beautifully in the manifestation of the glory of hs grace. Therefore, this is the ultimate aim and the final explanaion of all things - including suffering... Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came in the flesh to suffer and die and by that suffering and death, to save undeserving sinners like you and me. This coming to suffer and die is the supreme manifestation of the greatness of the glory of the grace of God.

Suffering is an essential part of the weaving of the tapestry of the universe so that the weaving of grace can be seen for what it really is."

Holiday Haiku

2007-05-29T19:08:00.000+10:00

Shells crunch underfoot;

Silence punctuated by

The lap of small waves.

2007-05-27T22:51:00.000+10:00

Here I am at what feels like the end
And so I come to You, my Lord, again
With this burden buried deep within
This heart that You have made
In this trial that I'm going through
I don't question 'cause I know it's true
That the sorrow brings me back to You
And You have made me stronger

It's been forty days and forty nights
Down the road of many trials
And I pray it's only for a season
'Cause in the wilderness and in the flood
You're the one I'm thinking of
And I know You've brought me for a reason

I have one more thing I've got to say
Before they try to take my life away
Let it be known that I am not afraid..

40 DAYS Lyrics by Mac Powell/Music by Third Day From the recording: Come Together, Track #2.

Humbling ourselves before God

2007-05-23T22:26:00.000+10:00

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:7-10

Being Served

2007-05-21T21:13:00.000+10:00

Our mate John Piper, in his book Future Grace, talks about 'The Debtor's Ethic' where rather than feeling gratitude for something, we think 'because you have done something good for me, I feel indebted to do something good for you'. Piper explores this concept in relationship to us trying to 'repay' God's grace. This book is great and I strongly recommend it.

But tonight I am more concerned about the Debtor's Ethic as it relates to being served by our Christian brothers and sisters. The New Testament is so clear about our responsibilities to one another and I have spent much time thinking about and praying about serving others in a way that pleases God (this is something I struggle so much with because of my pride and self-absorption)

But what about being served? James 5:14 gives us clear instruction about praying for the sick. "Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord." Tomorrow, a group of my friends are gathering to pray, or are putting aside time to pray, for me. This has been organised by my friend Joy, a great prayer-warrior. Such a strange feeling to plan to go to a "Jill Prayer Night". Don't get me wrong I have asked for prayer many many times over the past 2 years, and my friends have shown amazing faithfulness and perseverance in praying for me, but to actually rock up to my own prayer night is a bit bizarre.

My dear, wise friend Phil said to me many months ago, that maybe my ministry to the church at this time is to be served. I couldn't really cope with thinking about that at the time - it seemed so pitiful to have only that to offer, but surely it is only foolish pride to think that is any less valuable than women's ministry, children's ministry, service leading, or any other ministry.
And do I not have to obey this command to 'call the elders of the church to pray over me' as much as any other?

So tonight I will pray that God will grant me the grace to overcome my debtor's ethic and accept the love, prayer and ministry of my Christian brother's and sisters in the spirit in which it is commanded and in the name of the Lord.

I would love to hear your thoughts/comments on whether you think being prayed for can actually be considered to be a ministry.

Riding the Wave of Bipolar

2007-05-20T21:43:00.000+10:00

Riding the wave
Sun brilliant overhead
Salty blast, fresh and free
Glance down to the ocean floor below
Treacherous descent
Turmoil, which way is up
Unable to breathe
Spat out onto the reef, bruised and broken
Ready to ride again.

Acquainted with the Night

2007-05-20T02:20:00.001+10:00

The moon woke me, the pocked and chalky moon

that floods the garden with its silvery blue

and cuts the shadow of one leaf branch

across this bed of mine as if on to bright snow.

The sky is empty. Streetlights and stars

are all extinguished. Still the moon flows in,

drowning old landmarks in a magic lake,

the chilly waters lapping at my pillow,

their spell relentless as this cold

unhappiness in which I lie awake.

Insomnia by Elaine Feinstein 2002

Ensnared

2007-05-17T19:44:00.000+10:00

Psalm 25: 15-18

My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare.
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish.
Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins.

Praise God for faithful friends

2007-05-16T23:14:00.000+10:00

Luke 5: 18-19 'Some men came carrying a paralytic on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus.'
Christian friendship is one of God's greatest blessings and my cup is overflowing. For all of you who have carried me over the last 2 years and brought me in front of Jesus when I could not do this for myself, I am so grateful. I pray with thanksgiving for each of you tonight.

2007-05-15T19:08:00.000+10:00

Psalm 69: 29 - 30
I am in pain and distress; may your salvation, O God, protect me.
I will praise God's name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving.

Out of the mouths of babes

2007-05-14T19:29:00.000+10:00

This week at Sunday School my task was to teach 2-5 year olds about sin. What an amazing challenge - it really forced me to confront my own (mis)understanding of sin as defined by God's word.

We looked at the fall in Genesis 3 and then talked about the ways in which we turn away from God.

Here are the top 3 sins to be aware of (according to the preschool-kindy class). May I exhort you brothers and sisters to avoid these.

1. pushing someone
2. spitting
3. poisoning people

I'm not sure whether I should talk to the mother of the class poisoner, but I certainly won't be accepting any home-made treats until further notice.

Mothers' Day

2007-05-13T21:14:00.000+10:00

I think that no matter which way you look at it I have the best mother in all the world. However God promises to 'mother' his chosen people too. Isaiah 66:12-13 'For this is what the Lord says: "I will extend peace to her like a river, and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream; you will nurse and be carried on her arm and dandled on her knees. As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem."'

2007-05-12T22:09:00.000+10:00

'weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.'

Psalm 30:5

Comfort in the early hours

2007-05-11T01:39:00.000+10:00

'You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? ' Psalm 56:8

2007-05-08T22:36:00.000+10:00

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

2007-05-08T18:23:00.000+10:00

These last few weeks I've received a quite surprising blessing. Being less physically able than I would like, I've had more time to read and pray. And I think God is really using this time to teach me. I'm learning that sometimes when God doesn't give us what we are asking for, he gives us something much more valuable - in my case it's a better understanding of my dependence on him.

Gratitude (by Nichole Nordeman 2002 Ariose Music)
Send some rain, would You send some rain?
Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case...We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain
Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up And warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case...We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread
Oh the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we need
So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace may be another world away
And if that's the case...We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace
But Jesus, would you please.....

Singleness

2007-05-05T07:30:00.000+10:00

I know it seems that I'm obsessed with John Piper, but his resources are just so great. You really should check out the Desiring God webpage http://www.desiringgod.org

Today I read the most balanced view of the Single vs Married debate, I've heard so far.

A follow-up letter presents a summary of the arguement.

Dear Friend,
You ask: “What is at all compelling about marriage? Why would we even want to be married?”The “compelling” comes only from the right combination of internal realities and objective truths about God’s design for marriage. When the right combination is not there, marriage is not compelling and should not be. I would say the same thing about singleness.The objective truths about marriage are primarily God’s design:
1. To display his covenant keeping love between Christ and the church,
2 To sanctify the couple with the peculiar pains and pleasures of marriage,
3. To beget and rear a generation of white-hot worshippers, and
4. And to channel good sexual desire into holy paths and transpose it into worshipful foretastes of heaven’s pleasures.
That is a high calling, but it is only compelling if it meets with internal longings for God that lean strongly into these designs.

The objective truths about singleness are also primarily God’s design:
1. To display the spiritual nature of God’s family that grows from regeneration and faith, not procreation and sex,
2. To sanctify the single with the peculiar pains and pleasures of singleness,
3. To capture more of the single’s life for non-domestic ministry that is so desperately needed in the world,
4. And to magnify the all-satisfying worth of Christ that sustains life-long chastity.
That is a high calling, but it is only compelling if it meets with internal longings for God that lean strongly into these designs.

There is more to marriage and singleness than I have mentioned. But the point is to show that neither I nor the Bible means to say that either is compelling in and of themselves. That is why Paul says, “One has one gift and one another” (1 Corinthians 7:7). I think he means: The internal reality of one person finds one of these powerfully compelling and the internal reality of another finds another powerfully compelling.

And I would add: This can change from one season to another.I don’t know which holds out more joys and more hardships. There is no way to know ahead of time, it seems to me. We Christians don’t make our choices that way anyway. This would be clear if all singles not only heard the wedding vows, “For better or for worse,” but also heard the same words written over singleness: “For better or for worse.” Marriage may prove to be gloriously happy, or painfully disappointing. Singleness may prove to be gloriously satisfying or painfully disappointing. Only God knows which it will be for you.

So in the end, your heart really matters. Objectively, we cannot know ahead of time whether marriage or singleness will sanctify us more or honor God more. Does the internal reality of our heart lean us into the designs of marriage or the designs of singleness? That is a huge question and one that only the heart can answer. But it should be a heart well-formed with much Bible and much prayer and much maturity through life and counsel of friends and family.That’s my best effort. Thanks for caring about being devoted to Christ above all.

Pastor John
By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: http://www.desiringgod.org/. Email: mail@desiringGod.org. Toll Free: 1.888.346.4700.

Divine Grace

2007-05-04T20:23:00.000+10:00

I am continuing to seek guidance on how to live in Christ, how to trust in him, how to live in faith, how to accept that his grace is sufficient for each moment. It seems that seeking guidance on how to do this myself is ironically reflective of the problem.
"The idea that many Christians have of grace is this: that their conversion and pardon are God's work, but that now in gratitude to God, it is their work to live as Christians and follow Jesus...No, wandering one, as it was Jesus who drew thee when He spake "Come", so it is Jesus who keeps thee when He says "Abide." The grace to come and the grace to abide are alike from Him alone."
My tears flow tonight. Lord God by your grace may I abide in you and you alone.

Ref: Andrew Murray, Abide in Christ (New York: Grosset and Dunlap) quoted in John Piper, Future Grace, 1995, Multnomah Publishers.

Turkish Martyrs

2007-05-04T12:43:00.000+10:00

For anyone who would like to know more about the recent tragedy in Turkey, can I refer you to this post? Our brothers and sisters in Turkey are very keen to ensure that accurate information is circulated to those who are interested. Let us continue to pray for the persecuted church in Turkey.

http://double-usefulness.blogspot.com/2007/05/important-corrective-regarding-turkeys.html

Evil and the Justice of God

2007-05-03T21:35:00.000+10:00

I recently read N.T. Wright's 'Evil and the Justice of God'.
Wright's premise is as follows:
1. We ignore evil except when it hits us in the face
2. We are surprised by evil when it hits us in the face
3. As a result we react in immature and dangerous ways
Case in point: War on Terror
Has anyone read this? If so, would love to hear your thoughts.

The Grass is Always Greener

2007-05-03T09:49:00.000+10:00